


The best activities for your health are pumping and humping

by JaneSpendlove



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Iwaoi, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Pining, gym shenanigans, kuroo pines, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13693800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneSpendlove/pseuds/JaneSpendlove
Summary: “What the fuck just happened?” Kuroo asked in a low voice as he continued to sit on the floor, staring at nothing. “Oikawa, what the fuck was that?” He looked up at Oikawa in confusion.“That, Tetsu-chan, was a completely missed opportunity. Come on, time to get off the floor. My knee is sore just looking at you.” Oikawa offered him a hand and helped pull him up with a grunt. Once they were standing Oikawa slung an arm over Kuroo’s shoulder. “Now lucky for you, the great Oikawa-san, master of romance, is here to help.”





	The best activities for your health are pumping and humping

**Author's Note:**

> Couples who lift together, stay together. Or get together.. maybe.. Is Oikawa really the best wingman choice? Inspired by [this gif](https://imgur.com/gallery/t2DoSyr)
> 
> Title courtesy of things Arnie (Schwarzenegger). No, I'm not kidding.

Iwaizumi watched his breath mist in the cold air. “Remind me why I’m here on my usual rest day, Oikawa?”

“Because you love me, Iwa-chan, and you don’t want me to suffer alone at the hands of the ‘ohohoho bros.’” Oikawa shuddered theatrically. “Besides, you love the gym.”

“Yes, but rest is part of the process, which I guess you’ve never quite understood.” Iwaizumi moved out of the way of the slap aimed at his shoulder.

“I’m dedicated, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa closed his eyes and placed his hand over his chest, adopting a haughty air. “All great sports people have this trait. It’s not for everyone, you understand. Only the chosen few can handle this weight of responsibil- Ack!”. He was cut off as Iwaizumi thumped him on the arm.

“What’s the deal with Bokuto and Kuroo these days anyway?” Iwaizumi asked. “Have either of them made the next move yet?”

Oikawa rubbed at his arm and pouted. “Ugh, no. They’re both obviously into each other but Kuroo isn’t convinced that Bokuto likes him as more of a friend for some reason. I think that’s why he invited us, so we can convince him that it’s worth a shot.”

“That what’s worth a shot?” Kuroo ambled up to them and raised a hand in greeting. “Yo Iwaizumi, good to see you.” He nodded in Oikawa’s direction. “Oikawa.”

Oikawa huffed, “Why does Iwa-chan get more of a greeting than I do?!”

Kuroo shrugged. “I like him better.”

Iwaizumi jumped in before the sniping could escalate. “No you don’t. So you don’t think you have a shot with Bokuto?”

“Ah, I dunno.” Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. “I feel like I’m making it clear that I want to be more than friends but he seems kinda oblivious. Or I’m a really bad flirt. Or he’s just not interested and doesn’t know how to tell me.”

The conversation was cut short by a ball of energy topped with distinctive black and silver hair moving towards them. “Kurooooooo!” Bokuto yelled as he bounded up behind him and launched himself at Kuroo’s back. Kuroo stumbled forward, barely maintaining his balance.

“Dude, this is like getting hit by a cannonball. Some warning next time!” 

Bokuto laughed as he slid off Kuroo’s back “Sorry, sorry. You guys ready to get pumped!?”

“Lead the way Bokkun~,” Oikawa sang as he pushed Bokuto in the door ahead of him. 

“Not interested, my ass,” Iwaizumi muttered as he gave Kuroo a meaningful look and followed them inside.

\------------

Iwaizumi had always preferred to listen to his own music over whatever the gym pumped through their speakers and promptly put in his earphones as soon as they got onto the gym floor. Kuroo and Oikawa had kicked off another verbal sparring match in the changing rooms. Bokuto was happy to jump into the conversation every so often and seemed to feed off the energy, but Iwaizumi was glad to take a break from having to listen to the leering and bratty tones. He busied himself doing some kettlebell swings and mobility as a warm up before he realised nobody else in the group was doing anything. Instead Bokuto and Oikawa were all clustered around Kuroo, looking at his phone. Iwaizumi noted, wrly, that Bokuto had his arm around Kuroo’s waist and had hooked his chin over his shoulder.

Iwaizumi removed his earphones and shouted across to them. “Oi, Shittykawa, you drag me here on my rest day and I’m the only one doing any work. What the hell?”

“Rude Iwa-chan, we’re working hard by doing important research”, Oikawa waved him over without looking up.

As Iwaizumi got closer, Oikawa looked up and flashed a wide grin and a peace sign. “Oh wait, do you need us to kneel down so you can see?”

“Not everyone, just you”, Iwaizumi growled as he put a hand on the back of Oikawa’s neck and pushed his head down so he was forced to bend at the waist. He was rewarded with an indignant squawk.

Kuroo side eyed them, “Ohohoho, this is an insight into your private life that I could’ve done without.”

Iwaizumi smirked in response.“Call it inspiration.” He could see a blush starting to creep up Oikawa’s neck. “What were you looking at?”

Kuroo cleared his throat nervously.

“Aaaaaaanyway..” Bokuto looked curiously between them all, eyes lingering on Kuroo, who was staring hard at his phone. “We were watching this dude do a Turkish get up with a woman instead of weights! It was AWESOME! And look! These guys squat and deadlift each other”, he exclaimed, getting more animated with his hands as he talked. 

“I’d love to have a go at deadlifting someone. Not sure I could fit someone across my shoulders properly. Akaashi is too tall.. Hey Kuroo, do you think Kenma would let -”. Bokuto clicked his jaw shut at the dark look Kuroo was giving him.

“No.”

Bokuto held his hands up in defense. “Okay, okay. He’s just smaller is all..”, he trailed off, wilting under Kuroo’s stare.

“Then Tetsu-chan volunteers as tribute!” Oikawa gleefully gave Kuroo a nudge towards Bokuto. “No time like the present either. We can use the mat area downstairs now before we get stuck in properly and the gym gets too busy.”

“Yeah! Great idea, Oikawa, let’s get it done!” Bokuto started moving towards the stairs before turning around and almost shyly asking, “That is as long as you don’t mind, Kuroo?” He shuffled in place waiting for an answer.

“Ummm.. sure. Let’s go,” Kuroo answered. Iwaizumi didn’t think he sounded sure.

“Great!” Bokuto disappeared down the stairs.

“Why exactly did you volunteer me for this, Oikawa?” Kuroo hissed, once Bokuto was out of earshot.

“For once in your life, think, Tetsu-chan! It’s an excuse for being closer together and touching! Who knows what could come of it!” Oikawa winked as he waved his phone in Kuroo’s face. 

“And if it all goes horribly wrong, I’ll have it to treasure and hold over you forever~.”

Iwaizumi watched Oikawa practically skip down the stairs. “He’s a dick but he is right. I don’t think Bokuto would be this excited about it if he wasn’t interested.”

“Arrggh.” Kuroo scrubbed a hand over his face. “I may survive this, but at what cost.. Okay, let’s get this over with. If it goes wrong I’m holding Oikawa responsible and reserve the right to retribution.”

“That’s fair. All I ask is that you avoid his face and don’t fuck up his legs.”

“Deal.”

They moved downstairs to the basement which was a large floor area covered in mats. It was free of machines and just had a few of the large, bouncy exercise balls. It was normally used for calisthenics or mixed martial arts but thankfully no one else was there. Oikawa had already draped himself on his stomach over one of the exercise balls and was fiddling with his phone. Bokuto had sat on another one and was attempting to pull his legs up and balance without touching the floor. Kuroo moved into the middle of the space and dramatically flopped to the floor. “How do you want me?” he said as he put the back of his hand to his forehead.

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and wasn’t sure if he wanted to be near them while they tried this. Plausible deniability seemed like a good option to have. Before he could put some distance between them though, Oikawa had grabbed his ankle. “You’re not going anywhere, Iwa-chan. I’m not suffering these two and their unresolved tension alone,” he murmured. 

Iwaizumi snorted. “Kuroo is holding you responsible for the fallout, by the way.” Oikawa just hummed in response, busily setting up the video app on his phone.

Bokuto bent over and slipped his hands gently under Kuroo and rolled him onto his side. Next he took Kuroo’s arms and crossed him across his chest. It looked to Iwaizumi like Bokuto was taking his time moving his hands off Kuroo’s arms and down to cross his legs at the ankle. Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa burning a hole into the side of his head with a gaze that said Oikawa had noticed it too. Bokuto glanced up towards Oikawa.“Are you ready?”

Oikawa looked pointedly at Bokuto still petting Kuroo’s arms and made eye contact with Kuroo. Iwaizumi could swear he could see a blush creeping onto Kuroo’s cheeks. Oikawa touched his forefinger to his thumb in an “okay” symbol and rolled half off the ball to rest his elbows on top while holding his phone. “Ready when you are Bokkun. Don’t disappoint me!” He pressed record.

Bokuto gave a short nod before placing his hands – one gripped the crook of Kuroo’s elbow and the other gripped around his mid-thigh. “Lats, grip, core!” Kuroo muttered, as Bokuto took a breath, dropped his hips and went back on his heels to begin the pull.

Iwaizumi was surprised at how easily Kuroo seemed to shoot up. Bokuto easily lifted Kuroo off the floor and locked his hips through to complete the movement.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bokuto cheered. He raised his arms triumphantly - promptly dropping Kuroo unceremoniously onto the floor in the process.

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure what was funnier – the noise Kuroo made as he hit the floor or the fact that Bokuto seemed completely oblivious to what he’d done for a few seconds. He was beaming in their direction, waiting for a reaction. Oikawa had flopped back over the exercise ball and was wheezing in an effort not to laugh too hard.

“Tetsu-chan, are you alive?” Oikawa managed to choke out, before he dissolved into peals of laughter. Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as he watched the realisation cross Bokuto’s face that he had just dropped his best friend on the floor.

“OhmygodKuroo,” came out in a rush as Bokuto covered his mouth with his hands in shock. He dropped down to kneel beside Kuroo. “Are you okay?!”

Kuroo had rolled onto his front and was also hiding his face in his hands. Iwaizumi started to wonder if maybe he’d actually been injured. Kuroo’s face, from what he could see underneath his hands, was nearly beetroot. Was he in pain?

Bokuto had grabbed Kuroo’s shoulders and was shaking him gently. “Kuroo? Tets? Speak to me, dude! Are you okay!? Oh god, you hit your head didn’t you? I DROPPED YOU ON YOUR HEAD.”

Kuroo finally moved his hands from his face. “I can’t believe you just dropped me! Some fucking friend you are!” Although he was bright red and Iwaizumi could see tears, it was clearly from laughter. Kuroo rolled onto his back as Bokuto continued to grip at his shoulders and pulled him up into a sitting position.

“WHAT YEAR IS IT!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!? GOD, JUST TELL ME YOU’RE OKAY!” Bokuto exclaimed.

“Bokkun, I think he’s fine. He might be able to tell you that himself if you stopped crushing him in that bear hug.” Oikawa was wiping his own tears of laughter away as he pointed to where Kuroo’s face was smooshed into Bokuto’s broad chest.

“Oh shit! Sorrysorrysorry! I didn’t even realise I was doing that,” Bokuto apologised again as he finally released Kuroo and held him at arms length. His golden eyes were flitting over Kuroo’s face searching for reassurance that he was, in fact, okay.

Kuroo mock gasped for a breath before grinning. “Kou, stop apologising. I’m absolutely fine! Well, apart from maybe a bashed up elbow.” He rubbed at the arm that had been caught underneath him while grinning. “But that was awesome! You lifted me like I was nothing!”

“Yeah, that was a really smooth lift, Boku-chan. I was expecting it to be more lopsided with Tetsu-chan’s massive head and all.” Oikawa flashed a deceptively sweet smile while he hauled himself to sit upright on the exercise ball he had claimed.

Kuroo shot Oikawa a glare.

“What? Why else would you have all that awful hair unless it was to hide something?” Oikawa’s face was the picture of wide eyed innocence as he bounced lightly on the ball. Iwaizumi kicked it out from under him. “Ow! Iwa-chan! Why?!”

Iwaizumi ignored him. “Are you sure you’re ok?”, he asked Kuroo seriously.

“Yeah, honestly I’m -” Kuroo started to answer but stopped mid-sentence, eyes going wide as Bokuto slid both of his hands up Kuroo’s shoulders and neck to cup his face. Bokuto’s expression was open and earnest. 

Oikawa shot up from the floor with a gasped “Iwa-chan!” under his breath, as he grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm in an iron grip. 

“Oi, Trashykawa, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Shhshhshh!” Oikawa hissed, pushing at Iwaizumi’s face with his free hand as he stared keenly at the pair still on the floor. “This is it,” he breathed.

“For fuck’s sake,” Iwaizumi muttered, slapping Oikawa’s hand away from his face. This did seem a bit intense with the way Kuroo had gone mute while Bokuto just held his face with such warm affection. Iwaizumi had never seen either look so vulnerable. He found himself holding his breath and clutching at Oikawa’s hand that was still on his arm in response.

Bokuto leaned forward a fraction more, before squishing Kuroo’s cheeks together so his mouth made a mock fish face. “I’m so glad you’re ok, Tets! Could you imagine if I dropped you on your face and it ended up looking like this forever?!” Bokuto hooted a laugh before letting his hands fall away from Kuroo’s face and pushing himself up off the floor. “C’mon you lazy cat, we need to finish this workout and get some food. I’m starving!” Bokuto half jogged back towards the stairs to the main area of the gym. Iwaizumi thought the back of his neck looked suspiciously red as he took the stairs two at a time.

“What the fuck just happened?” Kuroo asked in a low voice as he continued to sit on the floor, staring at nothing. “Oikawa, what the fuck was that?” He looked up at Oikawa in confusion. 

“That, Tetsu-chan, was a completely missed opportunity. Come on, time to get off the floor. My knee is sore just looking at you.” Oikawa offered him a hand and helped pull him up with a grunt. Once they were standing Oikawa slung an arm over Kuroo’s shoulder. “Now lucky for you, the great Oikawa-san, master of romance, is here to help.”

Iwaizumi snorted. “Master of romance? Oikawa, we’ve known each other nearly our entire lives and we didn’t get together until we were 19. And that was only because _I_ made the move.”

“But who _inspired_ you to make the move, Iwa-chan? That’s so cute that you think it was your idea.” Oikawa patted Iwaizumi’s cheek as he steered Kuroo past him.

“Wait.. what?” Iwaizumi stopped in his tracks. “What does that mean? Hey, Trashykawa!”

Oikawa kept walking but threw a heavy lidded look over his shoulder and purred, “I’ll explain my seduction tactics later.”

“What seduction tactics? It’s only ever been you for me. No one else has ever come close.” Iwaizumi noted with satisfaction and some amusement the speed at which Oikawa stopped, pushed Kuroo away and staggered towards him.

“Iwa-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaan,” he whined as he shuffled in close to put his arms around Iwaizumi’s waist and tried to hide his increasingly red face. “You can’t just say things like that. I wasn’t prepared,” Oikawa mumbled into his neck.

Iwaizumi huffed fondly, “It’s true though.” He risked pressing a small kiss into Oikawa’s hair. He was interrupted by a retching noise.

“Ugggh.. How gross and insensitive to my most recent failure. Why don’t you two take a cold shower and bugger off while I try not to combust during the remainder of this workout. I don’t need any further public embarrassment.” Kuroo turned and continued walking towards the stairs. “Iwaizumi, I’ll message you later to talk tactics.”

“Tetsu-chan! How dare!” Oikawa squawked, but Kuroo had already disappeared up the stairs.

“Oikawa that was right in my damn ear.” Iwaizumi pushed him off. 

“Sorry Iwa-chan. Do you want to finish your workout or are you done?”

“I’m done. The sooner we get home, the sooner I get to see these seduction techniques.”

“Hajiiiimeeeeeeee,” Oikawa groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

Iwaizumi grabbed one of his hands and pulled him towards the stairs, laughing. “Give me your locker key and I’ll grab our bags.”

“You brute, you’re not going to shower?”

“I barely broke a sweat here. Besides -” Iwaizumi stopped and made direct, intense eye contact with Oikawa - “we’re only going to need another one after we get home. Give me your key.”

Oikawa flushed near instantly and stared dumbly as he handed over his key.

Iwaizumi cupped his cheek. “Wait here, I won’t be long.”

Iwaizumi took the opportunity to splash some water over his face and sprayed some deodorant and cologne. It couldn’t have taken him more than 5 minutes, but when he left the changing room, Oikawa was nowhere to be found. Iwaizumi went back towards the main area of the gym and soon found him trying to hide behind a cross trainer.

“Oikawa, you do realise that you’re 90% leg and suck at making yourself inconspicuous, right? What are you doing?”

Oikawa jumped a bit and looked back guiltily. “Just keeping an eye on my amorous protégé.”

Iwaizumi peered around the machine to see Kuroo and Bokuto in the squat racks. Bokuto was working hard on his set. Kuroo was watching avidly. Well, watching parts avidly.. Iwaizumi snorted.

“Oh my god, you’re such a creep. Let’s go, Trashykawa.” Iwaizumi reached up to put his hand on the back of Oikawa’s neck as he had done earlier. This time Oikawa tried unsuccessfully to suppress a shiver. “We can finish our workout at home.”

**Author's Note:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> If only i could write smut but alas, dorks bumbling through romance seems to be my calling. Frankly I'm impressed that this didn't descend into a muscle worship kink. 
> 
> Anyway, as soon as I saw that gif I thought of BoKuroo. It's only taken me a year to get the guts to write it! And IwaOi are my everything so they had to be included. Thanks again to [Kate](https://worthlesspride.tumblr.com/) and [Heather](http://miya-atsumu-miya-osamu.tumblr.com/) for keeping me right and helping me keep faith through not being able to think of an ending ლಠ益ಠ)ლ
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr~](https://janespendlove.tumblr.com/)


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